How My Daughter Made Me a Better Feminist
One of the best things to have happened to me is my daughter. The coming of Adama into my life gave me a whole new perspective on the issue of gender relations and equality. Not to mention countless other life questions. Let me give you a hint about what I mean. This is an excerpt of a conversation I had with Adama when she was four years old:
Adama: Dad, does God have brothers and sisters?
Me: No, Adama. God has no brothers, no sisters, no parents. God is alone.
Adama: But how come he is alone if you said a little while ago that there were angels with him.
Me: Yes, you are right. There are angels with him.
Adama: Who are the angels, what are their names?
Me: There are many of them, but some of the most popular ones are Gabriel and Michael.
Adama: (Pensive) Are there girl angels?
Me: Nope! No girl angels!
Adama: (Pensive) How come there are no girl angels?
Me: (SILENCE!!!) To be honest with you, Adama, I don’t know. (Thinking) On second thought, there may be girl angels. Why should there not be girl angels!
Adama: I think there are girl angels!
Me: Why not!
Before this time, I had thought myself a completely fair-minded and unbiased person. Someone strongly convinced that men and women were equal. In other words, a feminist, where feminism means a state of mind that makes one believe in the fundamental equality among the sexes, even amidst their manifest differences. But having a daughter who would not take as gospel truth an unproven answer to a simple question made me realize that I must proactively believe in these things.
So I am a feminist, for this is what I believe:
In the beginning, God was both male and female
And everything in between, before, after, and beyond
God made man and woman in his and her image
Female and male. And all genders. Everything!
And God has not changed since.
Though man, ever since his creation, has fought fire, air, earth, and water
To change his Creator and his Creator’s creation in his own image and desire.
What am I, if not a feminist? I am a man of woman born. I am partly man, partly woman, and wholly both. And everything else in the universe. A fundamental tenet of the African ontology upon which I was raised.
I was molded by two women. One gave me birth and her milk. And a home and security before I was born. The other, with her love and her vast knowledge of plants and their vital essence, gave me life multiple times over. And a home and security after I was born. And love for education. In raising us, she made no distinctions between boys and girls beyond those bestowed upon us by nature and biology. I grew up on her words of wisdom, which have made more and more sense to me as I have grown older. I am what I am today, at least in part, because of those two women. God made mothers like them so he would have someone to count on if ever he needed help taking care of his creation.
How can I accept even the thought that my daughter is inferior to her brother simply because she is a woman! And how can I look at all the other strong women I have been blessed to know — my wife, my colleagues at work, my friends, and total strangers who have stood up for other strangers — and say I am superior to them simply because I am a man!
So tell me, what am I and what will I be, if not a feminist?
I am a feminist for I believe a man who does not recognize and stand for the woman in him is not man enough.
